A little old lady has moved into my house

A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. All I know is that one day she wasn’t there, and the next day she was. She manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror I catch a glimpse of her. And whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is hogging the whole thing, obliterating my gorgeous face and body. I have tried screaming at her, but she just screams back.

I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me. I go to the ATM and withdraw $100 and a few days later it’s gone. I certainly don’t spend money that fast. You would think she would spend some of that money to by wrinkle cream, Lord knows she needs it! And money isn’t the only thing I think she’s stealing, food seems to disappear at an alarming rate, especially the good stuff, like ice cream, cookies and candy. She must have a real sweet tooth, but she had better watch it because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspect she realizes this and to make herself feel better she is tampering with my scale to make me think I am putting on weight too.

She likes to play nasty little games like going into my closets when I’m not home and altering my pants so they don’t fit. She even messes with my files and papers so I can’t find anything.

She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail, newspapers, magazines, and personal letters and blurs the print so I can’t read it. She has done something really sinister to my TV, radio and telephone. Now all I hear are mumbles and whispers. She has done others things like making my vacuum cleaner heavier and all my knobs and faucets harder to turn.

Lately she has been fooling with my groceries before I put them away I think she puts glue on the lids, making it almost impossible for me to open them. She has taken all the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits and she steps me from seeing how great they look on me.

She even came along when I went to get my picture taken for my drivers license, and just as the camera shutter clicked she jumped in front of me! No one will ever believe that the picture of that old hag is me!